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 Concern
Treatment
Pregnancy
 Experiences
Experiences
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Anna & Pete (Australia)
Chapter Three: Taking some control back
I felt powerless. I had no control over
any part of the whole IVF process. The problem wasn’t mine. The
process was so rigid, timing so critical, the outcome couldn’t be
influenced and even my own feelings seemed beyond my control. I was
struggling. I needed to regain some control, control over anything,
anything at all.
So I decided that I would give myself the injections. This was the
only thing I felt that I could actively control. The IVF nurses
advised against it, saying that most couples elected to either come
into the clinic every day for a nurse to administer the injections,
or they would have their husbands give the injection. I was not
interested in either of those options. I needed to feel some
control over my destiny and, if that meant taking control over the
injections, then so be it. Honestly, I would have preferred to have
control over something else, but there was nothing else.
Before I was permitted to self inject, I had to demonstrate that I
was competent at injecting. “Sure, no problem, give me an orange”.
To my utter horror, the nurse told me that I had to inject myself
there in the room in front of her. The harsh reality hit me at that
point. I wanted control, but I hated, really hated injections. Even
though I had been a nurse, I had been known to faint watching
others give injections! I drew the saline up into the needle,
expelled the air, grabbed some fat around my stomach and plunged
the needle in. Christ it hurt! I was so anxious that I forgot to
inject slowly, and basically thumb screwed the plunger. The pain
seared through my stomach and lasted for what seemed like forever.
It sounds as though I am a sissy, especially when you see the size
of the needle, but I learnt my lesson very quickly. From that point
forwards, I was diligent about depressing the plunger and injecting
myself very, very, very slowly.
I did it, I had injected myself in front of the nurse, and I had
gained control over the injections. She gave me the little “take
home Kit” which was filled with GONAL-f™, swabs and of course the
dreaded needle. I tucked it under my arm and headed home, feeling
quickly pleased with myself. It’s funny, when friends asked about
the process and I explained that I was self injecting, I did feel
the control for which I was yearning. That was the one thing over
which I, and I alone had full control.
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